You Me and the Big C – Putting the Can in Cancer

Stand in your light and shine brightly because that is how you defeat darkness.

Leslie Esperanza Espaillat

Last week I wrote about a truly inspirational woman who was a real pioneer of her times, this week I’m going to write about another truly inspirational woman, inspirational women actualy however, inspirational for very different reasons.

You, Me and the Big C is a British podcast about life with, treatment of and other topics relating to the disease cancer. The podcast was originally hosted by three former or current cancer patients Deborah James, Lauren Mahon and Rachael Bland. Sadly, Rachal passed away from cancer in September 2018. Since then, the podcast has also been occasionally co-hosted by her widower Steve Bland.

The podcast is designed to have a light-hearted feel to it. Former presenter Rachel Bland stated in an interview with The Guardian newspaper: "We wanted to create a space where you feel like you're sitting down with girls like you, having a cup of tea, talking about it like it's EastEnders.

Over the years as well as reaching number one in the UK podcast charts, the podcast has won numerous awards including Best New Show at the Audio and Radio Industry Awards and Podcast of the Year at the TRIC (Television and Radio Industries Club) awards.

But the team don’t produce the podcast for the accolades, they do it because if just one person takes comfort from their conversations, experiences and emotions, their job is done. These are some of the bravest, selfless, giving women I’ve ever come across and I love them!

In an interview before Rachael’s passing, the women of the 'You, Me & the Big C' podcast provided a frank interview with radio five live. The women talked about the fact they are your BFF’s, your sisters, daughters and mothers. They are you… but with dodgier cells! They talked about the fact that they’re too busy living to worry about dying!

As well as their honest and raw podcast, which includes laughter along the way too, they create a weekly top 5.

I listen and cry to the podcast for professional reasons, as a nurse I’m supposed to have all the answers, well, you know what, sometimes we don’t! In this particular weeks, the #YouMeBigC team list some dos and don'ts when speaking to a person with cancer. I learned a lot.

If you’re not familiar with the #YouMeBigC team, here’s a quick introduction;

R = Rachael Bland aka ‘Big C, Little Me' – a news presenter. Rachael had been in continuous treatment for recurrent breast cancer for a year.

D = Deborah James aka ‘Bowelbabe’ – Stage 4 Bowel Cancer doesn’t stop Deborah from getting to the party. This glamorous 35-year-old mum of two has even been known to drink champagne during chemo!

L = Lauren "Lolli" Mahon aka ‘Girl vs Cancer’ – Lolli was already a successful lifestyle blogger, so when cancer came calling at the age of 31, she styled it out by setting up a new community for young women with cancer.

Anyway… on with the list!

1. You don't always need to be positive!

R: Don’t feel that you have to be positive. It’s not all great all the time.

Cancer’s not great! Sometimes we’re allowed to be miserable.

Don’t feel the need to have to put a positive spin on it.

2. Think carefully before offering alternatives

D: Don’t do the whole ‘have you tried apricot kernels?’

No I haven't and I’m not going to.

L: ‘Cause they will poison me! *laughs*

D: I appreciate people just want to help, but there are other ways.

L: Do your research. The intention comes from a good place, but if you’re just regurgitating headlines from newspapers, it’s not always helpful.

D: Read past the headlines.

3. Listen

L: I would say listen, because I know it is hard.

I often try and put myself in my loved one’s shoes and think how it must’ve been for them when I was going through it, and what I continue to go through.

As much as it’s scary for you, as a loved one, we’re living it.

Sometimes we just need you to listen.

Listen to our feelings and our fears.

R: And not judge them.

L: Yeah, and not judge them, because we’re going through it.

4. Be specific with your help

R: People like to be told what to do, so do continue to offer help, but give specific offers of help.

Don’t just say ‘What can I do?’ because our heads are all over the show.

So cook a meal, bring it round – which I’ve had some lovely friends do.

Take the dog out for a walk. Just one of those things.

Tell me what you’re going to do and do it.

L: I had a wonderful friend who went to pick up a pair of boots from a high street store for me because I couldn’t go out and I really wanted to buy something! *laughs*

They weren’t available online! I text and said ‘If you’re going to be out shopping, could you pick these up for me? I’m a size four’.

R: That is a friend! That is what you want from a friend.

5. Try to hold the tears

D: Don’t cry.

L: Or try not to.

D: I love my dear friends, but we have had some crying moments, but then I’m the one always patting your back.

It’s going to be fine... As I’m going through chemo. *laughs*

R: But at the same time, if you do cry, you’re probably going to get a hug anyway.

L: I think the thing is, try not to make it about ‘you’ in that moment.

ALL: *laughs*

L: Seriously, I’m the one looking at you like ‘I’m the one with cancer’.

R: However bad it is for you. It’s a million times worse for us.

D: Do you want to swap? I’ll give you chemo mate. That’s absolutely fine.

ALL: *laughs*

In a world where it’s difficult to talk about terminal diseases such as cancer, these three inspirational women have moved the needle of acceptance to a whole new level and I salute them. Why am I thinking of them today? Well, this week saw one of the most traumatic moments in Deb’s journey with cancer. Last week she was rushed to hospital after suffering a massive haemorrhage. Whilst in hospital she started recording her experiences.

The cast is a raw, powerful and honest account that some of you will undoubtedly find distressing.I will admit to sobbing through large parts of the 45 minutes.It is worth a listen though, the bravery, the despair, the strength, the pain, the distress, the trauma… is palpable.I really don’t think I’ve been moved by anything like this quite so much ever before.If you want to listen to Deb’s story – and I would caution you, it’s hard yards, you can find it here

Whats on this week?