Loneliness Sucks!

Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.

Mother Teresa

In a world full of good friends, fun and laughter, even a virtual one, how is that you can feel totally alone?

Loneliness feels like a very negative thing! I was thinking, maybe it's something we just don’t acknowledge or talk about. In reality, anyone can feel lonely and probably everyone has at some point in their life. The thing is, it IS very possible to be surrounded by supportive friends and family but still feel very lonely.

In fact, research shows that people are at increased risk of feeling significantly lonely at the moment, at this time of the year. It’s easy to understand why! However, it’s important to remember that everyone experiences loneliness slightly differently. What one person might feel could be totally different to someone else in the same situation. And that's OK. It's part of being individually you.

In a recent survey the Red Cross spoke to a group of people to ask how they would define loneliness. They said...

“Loneliness to me is still feeling alone with nowhere to turn even when surrounded by lots of people.”

“Not having people you feel understand you”.

If you relate to these feelings, please know you are not alone. In the words of one person from the survey, “feeling genuinely connected to others, having open and honest conversations about your feelings, is more important to feeling less lonely than being in a room full of people.”

What types of people are most likely to feel lonely?

Loneliness is a part of life, and it is important to validate and acknowledge it rather than judge or assume the reasons people feel this way. Emotions are our body’s way of telling us what we are lacking in our lives in the same way that if you feel hungry, you probably need some food.

Some factors that might increase someone’s feelings of loneliness include having high levels of anxiety, being socially isolated, breaking up with a partner or experiencing a major life event. This could mean moving to a new area, being a new parent or just coming out of hospital. Someone could relate to all or none of these things but still feel lonely.

One in five people experience feelings of loneliness. People who are more marginalised tend to feel more lonely too, like those without an internet connection or digital skills, or people from minority communities who face discrimination. For anyone who feels lonely, it is important to know you are not alone and that there is help out there!

Is loneliness such an issue because humans are social creatures?

People are more prone to loneliness because we live very social lives, especially in Second Life. We as people rely on our friends a lot of the time or are used to being surrounded by lots of people with similar interests and needs. Some of us enjoy being with people often, but sometimes some people can feel pressured to be really social when we might just want some time to ourselves. Having external or internal pressure to fit in with friends and social groups can actually make you feel more anxious and low, which can lead to a longer-term feeling of loneliness.

Social media, and I include Second Life as a social media platform, can help people connect with their friends and family, or people with common interests, all across the world. However, social media can also increase loneliness if it gives you unrealistic expectations of how social and interesting your life should be, if you spend a lot of time interacting but without really connecting to people or if too many people are trying to connect at once it’s just really hard to can’t deal with!

I think there can be a tendency to compare yourself to others which can make you feel under-confident and ultimately lonelier, I know I do this more than I should! Be mindful of keeping a healthy balance and what works for you.

Use social media, including Second Life as a tool to connect with people you genuinely care about but limit how much you use it during the day especially just before bed. Be aware of people or groups that start to affect your mood negatively and block or mute conversations if you need to.

How do I know if someone is feeling lonely?

There are things we can keep an eye out for in ourselves and in others. People who are feeling particularly lonely might change their moods or behaviour. They may be suddenly quieter, or could be reaching out more than usual or spending more time in world. It can affect how much you sleep and eat too. There might be other reasons why someone acts differently, but the best way to find out is to ask. Pick a chilled time with no pressure, and start by talking about a topic you both like, music, movies, TV, whatever, but keep it light. Is there a fun memory you share? Gently ask how they are feeling, never be afraid to ask how someone is feeling, sometimes they’re craving someone to ask that one simple question! Don’t be afraid to be direct and ask if they feel lonely for a specific reason.

Make sure they feel comfortable. Sometimes it’s too hard to say how they feel straight away. Let them know you are there for them and keep checking in with them. This could be done over a something like Discord or look them up in world. Just help that person understand that they are much loved.

Loneliness is not okay… but it’s okay to be not okay… If you feel someone is perhaps a bit distant or maybe a little quieter than usual… Just ask them how they’re doing!

What’s on this week?