Gender, sexual orientation, genetic identity – lets try and make some sense of it all!

Both men and women should feel free to be sensitive. Both men and women should feel free to be strong. It is time that we all perceive gender on a spectrum, instead of two sets of opposing ideals.

Emma Watson

So, I was having a conversation with a really good friend the other day and we strayed into the minefield that is gender identity, I say minefield because, in all honesty, there have been times when I’ve been totally confusticated! So, having trawled the interwebs I’m going to have a go at define some key gender and sexual terms and concepts.

Ever wonder what the difference is between someone’s sex, gender, and sexual orientation? I have and I’ve struggled with it a few times however, once you get your head around it with some time and effort, it really isn’t that complicated!

Sex assigned at birth

What do we mean by sex? Sex is about joining your parts with your partner’s parts for fun, pleasure, entertainment, and even — if you’re totally old-fashioned like me — making babies, right?

Well, yes, but in this case, that’s not the definition of sex I’m talking about here.

In this case, we are talking about sex as the biological label people are given based on the parts they’re born with. This is known as someone’s sex assigned at birth.

Male – If your sex assigned at birth is male, then you were born with a penis and testicles.
Female – If your sex assigned at birth is female, then you were born with a vagina, uterus, ovaries, and breasts, etc.
Intersex – When a person is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male – clearly this is very rare!

Now, if you’re born with a dick, you’ll grow up to be a man, or if you’re born with a vagina, you’ll grow up to be a woman, right?

Not exactly. That’s a function of gender.

Gender

Here are two simple ways to look at and understand gender thanks to the peeps over at the Human Rights Campaign: gender identity and gender expression.

Gender identity: An individual’s most heartfelt understanding of themselves and what they call themselves. One’s gender identity can be the same (cisgender) or different (transgender/gender queer) from their sex assigned at birth.

Cisgender: A person whose gender identity matches their sex assigned at birth. For example, a person born with a penis that identifies as a man.
Transgender: A person whose gender identity doesn’t match their sex assigned at birth. For example, a transwoman is someone who was born with a penis but who identifies as a woman.

Gender expression: The outward appearance of one’s gender identity, usually expressed through their behaviour, clothing, haircut or voice, may or may not conform to socially defined behaviours and characteristics typically associated with being either masculine or feminine. Contrary to popular belief, gender isn’t binary — and there are more than 2 options!

Sometimes, society’s assumptions and expectations about gender can feel like a prison, especially those whose gender differs with society’s understanding of what’s “normal.” This can have horrible consequences for people’s health and wellbeing. For many reasons, people might (or might not!) choose to undergo gender transitioning.

Gender transitioning is when someone takes actions to align their gender identity with their outward appearance. There are several ways people might do this, such as dressing differently and using names and pronouns that match their gender identity. Others undergo physical transitions in which they modify their bodies through medical interventions.

Concerned you might misgender someone? One terrific way to respect and be supportive of someone’s gender identity is to introduce yourself and your pronouns before asking them their name and what pronouns they use. Such a simple thing can mean the world to someone! It really can! Here’s an example of what I’m waffling on about, Josh: “Hi, I’m Sean, and my pronouns are he, him, and his.” Some people like to use gender-neutral pronouns like they, their, and them.

Sexual orientation

While gender is about who you are as a person, sexual orientation is all about the people you’re romantically, sexually, and emotionally attracted to.

There is a whole load of identities associated with sexual orientation:

Straight or heterosexual: People who’re attracted to a different gender (for example, someone who identifies as a woman and is attracted to men)
Gay/lesbian: People who are attracted to people of the same gender identity.
Bisexual: People who are attracted to both men and women
Pansexual: People whose attractions span across many different gender identities (male, female, transgender, genderqueer, intersex, etc.)
Asexual: People who don’t feel sexually attracted to anyone, but might emotionally be attracted to people.

One common misunderstanding is that all trans people identify as gay — but that is not always the case. Because sexuality is separate from gender, transmen and transwomen can be straight, gay, lesbian, bi, or whatever identity suits them best.

Another myth is that men who have sex with men must be gay or bisexual. That’s just not true either and here’s why: Men having sex with men is a behaviour, not an identity.

Remember, sexual orientation is about more than who you have sex with; it’s about being emotionally, romantically, and sexually attracted to someone. As an example, some guys might not care about the gender identity of someone who goes down on them, but when it comes to who they are capable of being emotionally and romantically in love with, it’s only women.

What does it all mean?

No matter what your gender identity, how you express it, or who you love, remember that you’re beautiful and there is nothing wrong with you!

We realize that living one’s gender identity and orientation openly can sometimes be a challenge. Some people think your identity at birth is all that matters — but they aren’t the ones occupying your body, thinking with your brain, and acting with your heart.

If you need a little support and inspiration, check some of burgeoning information on the Interwebs, for all things LGBTQ+ I refer back to the Gay Times, some great articles and it’s super educational without being preachy or anti-straight!

It all comes down to you being true to yourself. That’s all anybody has a right to expect of you.

What’s on this week?