Do lesbians have better sex than heterosexual women?

I didn’t begin enjoying sex until I started masturbating. Before that, I really wasn’t sexual. I bought my first vibrator three years ago. It’s a shame I didn’t discover it sooner. Now, I give Rabbit vibrators to all my girlfriends. They scream when they unwrap it – the best gift I can give them is an orgasm.

Marina Abramovic

Well, all the data out there would suggest yes! A study in 2014 by the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that lesbians orgasmed 75% of the time during sex, compared with 61% for heterosexual women. A much larger study in 2017 of 53,000 Americans by the Kinsey Institute recorded slightly different numbers, but with the same trends. In this instance, lesbians reported coming 86% of the time during sex, as opposed to 65% for straight women. Hmmmmm…

So, why is lesbian sex going right for women where heterosexual sex is going wrong? Well, there’s the obvious one, unlike guys you don’t have to provide them with a torch, a map and a set of written instructions to find and stimulate the clitoris, women know where it is instinctively and know exactly what to do with it to get an orgasm!

Did you know that only 20% of heterosexual women have an orgasm during intercourse? No – well apparently guys don’t know that either. Truth is we often need clitoral stimulation, or oral sex, for it to happen. It is suggested that this is one of the reasons many heterosexual women fake their orgasm – see “when Harry Met Sally” for a masterclass on this subject!

In an article last year, Jessica Burgess, the English 26-year-old playwright who openly identifies as bi-sexual, said in an interview on this subject; “Women are at a huge advantage when it comes to knowing how to make other women feel good. They’ve done it before to themselves, numerous times. They know what a clit is and they have realistic expectations about how quickly women are able to reach orgasm.

In 2008, 92% of female respondents to a survey said they masturbate – two-thirds of them up to three times a week. This is a leap from 74% in 1993 and 62% in 1953, when women were probably lying or hiding what was then a hugely taboo subject!

Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross run a feminist-centred sexual education charity with the tagline: “Better Orgasms. Better World.” In an interview Carlin Ross said; “The absolute best way to improve your sex life is to improve your masturbation practice,” she says. “When we know how to give ourselves an orgasm, we know how to communicate our sexual needs to our partners. It seems counterintuitive, but improving our relationship with ourselves improves our relationships with others – and our sexual gratification.

But it is not just about getting the practice in. Back to Jessica Burgess who says that women tend to be better at listening and communicating in bed, it is not clear whether those abundant news stories about women speaking thousands more words a day than men stand up, but understanding and empathy are areas in which women excel. There is a strong emotional connection between women, too.

Alice Martin, a 20-year-old trans lesbian, says the same. “As a woman having sex with another woman, it’s a completely mind-bending experience. The mix of care, love, romance, pleasure, emotion and intensity is something that I never experienced with men.”

Did you know, the clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings – double that of the penis glans – and its sole purpose appears to be providing pleasure? Did you also know, women’s orgasms last for an average of 20 seconds, while men’s last eight? The most orgasms recorded in an hour for a woman is 134 (16 for a man). This makes it especially sad that so many heterosexual women are reporting under-stimulating sex lives.

So, for those women who are not coming endlessly – how can they improve their sex lives, whoever they may be with? As well as Carlin Ross’s advice to masturbate a lot, the Kinsey Institute recommends more oral sex, better relationships, “sexy talk”, asking for what you want in bed and trying new positions, among other things.

Ross also recommends engaging your mind in sexual fantasies and listening to erotica podcasts. Then there is the boom in sex toys. In 2016, the online sex toy retailer Lovehoney recorded a 68% growth in profits – the year after Fifty Shades of Grey graced our screens!

But when it comes down to it, women have better sex with women because they understand each other’s’ physicality, we communicate better, focus more on areas such as the clitoris and are more likely to focus on their partner’s pleasure. Keep at it to improve, Ross suggests: “Sex begets more sex.” And, hopefully, better sex!

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