Virtual Sex – Is it a thing?

“Sex” is as important as eating or drinking and we ought to allow the one appetite to be satisfied with as little restraint or false modesty as the other.

Marquis de Sade

In a graphically stimulating virtual world full of likeminded people, with feelings and emotions, it’s hardly surprising we meet people, we feel a bond or a connection and we occasionally end up making love. What do we mean when we talk about virtual sex? What counts as “having sex” in a virtual world?

In the past, sex has typically been defined in the one, very limited way – penetrative penis-in-vagina (PIV) sex.

But there are actually lots of different ways to have sex – even in a virtual world! It means different things to different people, and we now know that only defining sex as PIV excludes a lot of people and their experiences.

For example, many LGBTQ+ people feel they aren’t represented by this outdated definition. Straight couples may also not want to have PIV sex for a variety of reasons, such as health conditions, disabilities or just personal preference. This is absolutely okay! In a virtual world where there is no o physical contact, it shouldn’t diminish these experiences, or mean that it isn’t “real” or “proper” sex. In the world of pixels, it’s important to have a much broader and more inclusive definition.

But what do we mean by an inclusive definition of sex?

“In really basic terms, sex is something that involves one or more sets of genitals (of any variety) being touched or made to feel good,” says Milly Evans in their book, Honest.

Any of these can be sex:

Oral sex: using your mouth to stimulate your partner’s genitals, otherwise known as “blowjobs”, “eating out” or “going down on”
Anal sex: touching, massaging, licking or penetrating the anus
Vaginal sex: penetrating the vagina with a penis or sex toy
Hand sex: using your hands to stimulate your partner’s genitals, and known as “fingering” or “wanking off”

Masturbation matters!

In a virtual world where again, there is no physical, person to person contact, I believe it’s massively important to include masturbation in the definition of sex. There’s no reason for masturbation to be a taboo topic. Masturbation can bring a lot of good into your life. And these benefits aren’t even just limited to your sexual health!

Although there’s not a wealth of science on the subject (can researchers pursue that a little more fervently, please?), many experts believe masturbation can improve your well-being in various ways.

Let’s be honest, In Second Life, for many of us, this is our sexual connection!

I wrote about the benefits of masturbation a few years ago, the link to the post is here

https://lisafigueroa1.wixsite.com/slazydays/single-post/the-benefits-of-female-masturbation

There are ways to make that elusive connection more tangible, if you’ve followed my post for any length of time you’ll know I’m not ashamed about talking about vibrators, in the past I’ve written about my Lovense toy and the clever little app you can use that allows your Second Life partner to interact with your Lovense toy, you can find the app here.

https://marketplace.secondlife.com/p/LoveBridge-Deluxe-Edition/17655695

Consent and pleasure

There are different reasons to have sex, but people commonly have it because it’s pleasurable. Sex is meant to feel good! Sadly, there’s still a lot of stigma and shame around talking about sex and feeling good. However, it’s important because this directly links to consent. Why would we consent to any type of sex that doesn’t feel good?

Sex should be pleasurable and consensual. That means checking in on the other person, making sure they want to have sex and it’s feeling good, and stopping if they’re unsure or want to stop. It also means feeling able to say to them if you’re unsure or want to stop. Remember, you can stop at any time. The BDSM community in Second Life is very prominent and important to a lot of people but even here, maybe even most importantly here, consent is key!

What’s on this week?