Let’s try to be a more tolerant, understanding society!

I think that someday we will live in a world where transgender people will be viewed as the multidimensional people that we are.

Sarah McBride

I don’t know if it’s the fact that SL offers a certain degree of anonymity or that you it’s the fact you can create characters that identify with your gender but, I’ve met many transgender people in Second Life. It’s a subject that’s close to my heart as my niece is currently going through the transitioning process so, this week I thought I’d talk about ways in which you could support someone who is transitioning, partly my experience and partly stuff I’ve picked up from the net.

Believe Them!

Someone really close to you has decided to tell you that they’re transgender. This will probably be a really emotional conversation, and that’s okay. You might also feel as though you don’t understand everything they are telling you – that’s okay too.

At this stage, the most important thing is to understand that this person is telling you their truth. They’ve told you because they trust you, and want you to be there with them on their journey. Whilst you might have a lot of questions, the most important thing to do is believe them.

If you want to ask questions, be sensitive. Don’t question their identity or ask them if it’s a phase. If someone comes out as trans, this is probably they’ve been thinking about for a really, really long time and they need you to support them, not question them.

Listen to them!

When a trans person takes steps to live in the gender they identify with – it’s a complex time. As someone close to a trans person, this will have an impact on you and your feelings are totally valid. However, your trans friend/partner/family member is about to/ is going/ has gone through something life changing, and you should be ready to listen to their experiences.

Give them the space to talk to you, and really listen to them. When they tell you how they are feeling, what their experiences are and what they want, sometimes the best thing to do is just listen. Sometimes advice isn’t always what someone needs.

When someone we love is going through something hard, we want to make it better for them and help them in whatever way we can. However, just saying “I hear you what you are saying, I believe you and your experiences and emotions are valid” can often be the thing they need most of all. Making your trans friends feel safe, loved and valid is incredibly important.

Do your research

The internet is a wonderful tool, so use it! You may not know much about what it means to be transgender, and even if you do, you probably have A LOT of questions.

Thankfully, there is a wealth of information available online for those who are supporting their friends/partners/family members’ transition. Educating yourself is important because with everything your friend/partner/family member is going through, they may not have the emotional energy to educate you too.

There are hundreds of trans activists, bloggers, vloggers, Twitter personalities, instagrammers, articles, books, events, online communities, and forums that are accessible at the click of a button, search them out! This way you can access other people’s experiences of being trans and transitioning, as well as the experiences of their friends and family who are going through something similar to you.

Make Space For You

Processing someone’s transition will be different depending on your relationship to them. Whether it’s your best friend, your sibling, your child, your parent, your partner, or someone else altogether, there will be certain things that will make each experience slightly different.

Please remember – your feelings are valid. There is no right or wrong way to feel when someone close to you tells you that they’re transgender. It can be a mix of feeling happy, sad, scared, confused, excited, apprehensive… there’s no one size fits all.

It’s important to not put more pressure on your friend/partner/family member. So, try and find someone else to talk to.

It could be another person who your friend/family member/partner has confided in. It could be an (anonymous) online support group, a support group in your community, or whatever works best for you.

You need a support system too. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself so you can be a good support for the person who is transitioning.

The little things really do matter

There are little things you can do which are relatively simple. If the person you’re supporting wants to go shopping, go with them and have fun! If it’s the first few times they’ve been shopping for their preferred gender identity, it’s going to exciting but also probably nerve wracking. Let them experiment with their clothing, encourage them to explore and play with their style.

If they have a doctor’s appointment, you could volunteer to go with them, or if they want to try out new events or clubs, you could go as well.

Most importantly, always make sure they get home safe. Unfortunately, transgender people are statistically more likely to be the victims of violence and assault. If you know your trans friend or family member is going out late or on their own, make sure they have a safe way to get home and let them know they can call you any time.

You’ll make mistakes – that’s okay, apologise & learn from them

Learning is a process. We all make mistakes. That’s fine, but correct yourself and apologise when you do. One of the most common mistakes we all make is misgendering someone.

Misgendering means using the pronouns a trans person was assigned at birth rather than the pronouns they wish to be addressed by. If you accidentally misgender someone, that’s okay. Recognise you made a mistake. Apologise. Correct yourself. Move on. There’s nothing worse than someone being over apologetic and drawing attention to the situation.

Never be embarrassed to apologise. We’re all human. We all make mistakes. What matters most is that we care and respect each other enough to recognise when we’ve done something wrong and apologise.

I’m far from an expert, but these are some of the things I’ve picked up. If you remember one thing from reading this it’s if someone transitioning has reached out to you, it’s a BIG thing, they obviously trust you implicitly, don’t ignore this fact and try – nobody is saying you’ll get everything right but try to be there for them.

What’s on this week?