Sexuality – Strong and warm and wild and free

We live in a society that wants to label you with a colour, sexuality, religion, or ethnicity. It divides us, but it also allows us to find pride in our identity.

Logan Browning

It’s no great secret that many people use Second Life as some kind of 3d sex game. I have no issue with that and if that’s what floats your boat, good luck to you – just try not to hurt those that see Second Life as more than just a game. I’ve met many people in Second Life that use the platform to explore their sexuality, I see many profiles branding their owners as heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual even sapiosexual – which for those of us that had to Google it is simply someone turned on by intelligence. Truth is, I see a lot of titles but what really is sexuality? Well, I’m not a psychologist and am far from being an expert however, having read many articles on the subject, let me give you my thoughts.

Firstly, sexuality is not about who you have sex with, or how often you have it. Sexuality is about your sexual feelings, thoughts, attractions and behaviours towards other people. You can find other people physically, sexually or emotionally attractive, and I believe all those things are a part of your sexuality.

Sexuality is diverse and personal, and it is a really important part of who we are. Discovering your sexuality can be a very liberating, exciting and a very positive experience.

One thing to remember right from the start is, there’s no hard and fast rules here, sometimes, it can take time to figure out the sexuality that fits you best. In addition to this, how you feel right now might not be how you felt ten years ago or indeed how you will feel in ten years’ time, your sexuality can change over time.

In our 21st century society, as we emerge from the heterosexually predominant 20th century with its clearly defined rules and boundaries, sexuality can be very confusing so, don’t worry if you’re not sure what box you fit into, truth is, there may not be a box, everyone is an individual, everyone has the capacity to define their very own sexuality. You might be drawn to men or to women, to both or to neither. There is no right or wrong – it’s about what’s right for you. And while there are common terms to describe different types of sexuality, you don’t have to adopt a label to describe yourself.

If you’re looking for somewhere to start, truth is, most people are attracted to the opposite sex – boys who like girls, and women who like men, for example, if you want to pop them conveniently into a box that would be the straight box.

Some people are attracted to the same sex. I read somewhere that around 10 per cent of young people in western society experience same-sex attraction. Now, I work with a diverse group of individuals, most of which are a lot younger than me, personally I would suggest 10 percent is a little low, but that’s just my observation.

Back in the world of boxes, this would be the homosexual or gay community. Just a quick aside, if gay women are lesbians what are gay men?

So, there we are, everything parcelled up in nice little boxes, errrrrr…… oh, if it were that simple. Truth is sexuality can be much more complicated than being straight or gay. Shock horror, some people are attracted to both men and women – who knew! Time to open the bisexual box or as I like to call it, the having your cake and eating it box.

Bisexual does not mean the attraction is evenly weighted – a person may have stronger feelings for one gender than another. This can vary depending on who they meet.

There are different kinds of bisexuality. Some people who are attracted to men and women still consider themselves to be mainly straight or gay. Or…… they might have sexual feelings towards both genders but only have intercourse with one. See, it’s complicated but, unique to the individual.

Other people see sexual attraction as more grey than black and white. These people find everyday labels too rigid. Some prefer to identify as “queer”. And others use the term “pan”, or “pansexual”, to show they are attracted to different kinds of people no matter what their gender, identity or expression.

Anything else…… of course! A person who identifies as asexual (‘ace’ for short) is someone who does not experience, or experiences very little, sexual attraction. Asexuality is not a choice, like abstinence. Asexuality is a sexual orientation, like homosexuality or heterosexuality. Some people may strongly identify with being asexual, except for a few infrequent experiences of sexual attraction (grey-asexuality). Some people feel sexual attraction only after they develop a strong emotional bond with someone (this is known as demisexuality). Other people experience asexuality in a range of other ways.

As I say, I’m no expert and this may all sound a little simplistic however, I’ve met a few people recently who are struggling with their sexuality and I’m hoping that this might help. I’m not encouraging people to get into little boxes, I’m simply hoping this may help some people identify with their feelings and recognise they are still an individual, they’re still unique however, they may be able to identify something they have an affinity with.

What’s on this week?