No.6 Collaborations Project

I was on some TV shows with Lady Gaga the other week, and you could see the difference in reaction between her fans and my fans outside. She comes out, and she looks like a star, and the reaction is just tears, crying, people going, 'Oh my God, Oh my God.' My fans are like: 'Alright, Ed.'

Ed Sheeran

A few years ago, I was on a flight to Paris, I’m sitting in my seat messing with my new phone trying to figure out how to put it into flight mode and something catches my eye. There’s a guy chatting with one of the stewardesses in the expensive seats at the front and he has a battered old acoustic guitar strapped to his back. Strange, I think and I’m wondering why he’s been allowed to bring it on board. Then, he steps to one side and I get my answer. The guy in front of him has a mop of red hair and is smiling most amiably as the conversation continues – it was Ed Sheeran!

I LOVE Ed Sheeran however, that love pales into insignificance when you compare it with the unhealthy adoration my best friend Claire has for him so, smiling to myself I send her a quick text; “Guess who’s a few rows down from me on my flight??”. Claire is one of those people that has her phone strapped to her hand at all time so I knew it wouldn’t be long before I got the reply which in true Claire style was a single syllable; “?”.

When I text back, I get the reply; “GET HIS F***ING AUTOGRAPH, MAKE HIM SIGN IT TO CLAIRE!!!!!” Note the “make hm” and not a please ask him. At this point we’re all strapped in and the stewardesses are doing the whole, “this is how to assume the brace position and kiss your arse goodbye in the event of an emergency”, thing so, there’s no chance of leaping up and shoving a pen into his face…… OMG, challenge number one, did I actually have a pen in my handbag??

Luckily, I did so, challenge averted. The actual flying time from Heathrow to Charles de Gaul is about 45 minutes and it was a bumpy flight so the seatbelt signs remained on for like most of the journey, when they did come off, there was the usual rush to the toilets by the middle-aged business guys with prostate issues so no chance. Now, I’ve been on this particular flight a few times, I was kind of seeing a French guy who lived in Paris so, I was feeling pretty relaxed in the knowledge that where the plane normally parked it was miles from passport control so, my plan was, get up quickly and chase him down as we walked towards the exit.

The plane landed and taxied towards the stand however, rather than go to terminal D which it did normally, it ended up somewhere else. Rather than the long walk through terminal D, the cabin crew inform us that this somewhere else was connected to passport control by a monorail, no problem I thought, I’ll just wander down the carriage and nonchalantly sidle up to him and casually ask for his autograph pretending my name is Claire.

I’m in the window seat with the two seats next to me occupied by a nice elderly couple heading off to Paris for some weekend sightseeing. As we land and dock at the stand the majority of passengers leap up and start retrieving their bags from the overhead lockers, not the couple next to me, the chap turns to me and smiling says; “isn’t it ridiculous that all these people are in such a rush, we normally wait until everyone has got off.” I’m like…… NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! So, I tell this chap that actually, I’m in a bit of a rush as I’m getting a connecting flight to New York so could he and his lovely wife kindly FECK OFF OUT OF THE FECKING WAY! Grumbling he and his wife reluctantly get up and he joins the melee in the aisle. As soon as his wife moves out of the way I’m off, like a fart in a hurricane!

At this point Ed’s got a bit of a march on me however, I catch sight of him heading down to the waiting monorail on the escalator. I see him get on and I’m praying that the damned thing doesn’t head off by the time I get there, luckily it doesn’t and I leap into the carriage just as the sliding doors are closing. Smiling to myself, I casually start to walk down the carriage to meet my prey, what I hadn’t realised is that I can’t get to Ed’s carriage as we’re on two separate monorails stuck together – damn!

After a very short journey we arrive in the terminal and we all get off and I’m feeling pretty relaxed because if you’ve ever flown into Charles de Gaul you’ll know that the queue for passport control is always HUGE and snakes through one of those roped zig zagging things so, I’m thinking, no problem, he’s not that far ahead, we’ll actually walk past each other and I can snag him with my pen and paper however……

As we approach the zig zagging channel a chap in a very smart uniform walks over to Ed and after shaking his hand leads him off to what I assume is some kind of VIP fast track thing – I’d failed my mission and knew that the two pictures I got on my phone of his back heading towards VIP nirvana wasn’t going to do it for Claire – I was in big trouble, so close yet so far!!

So, why am I regaling you with this tale of woe? Well, last week Ed Sheeran’s new album came out, a collaboration album with some of the biggest names from rock and pop. If you read the critics reviews, you’d think it not worthy to grace your ears! Reviews with descriptions of, Tired and Forgettable or Bland, sincere and hygienically prepared, don’t really endear you to it.

I was going to review the album in this post however, rather than add to the endless debate I thought I’d give you a little, hopefully humorous, story and let you listen to it with an open mind. Personally, I’m at the opposite end of the forgettable spectrum, I love it and I hope you do also!

What’s on this week?