Lesbian Sex

No one has imagined us. We want to live like trees, sycamores blazing through the sulfuric air, dappled with scars, still exuberantly budding, our animal passion rooted in the city.

Adrienne Rich

As an openly Bisexual woman I’m often asked by my straight friends “What’s sex like with another woman?” With this in mind I thought I’d try and address a few taboo subjects on the matter.

Before we talk about Lesbian sex, let’s talk about what the phrase means.

Usually, people use the term “Lesbian sex” to mean sex between two women. If that’s the case, remember that those women might not identify as Lesbian.

For example, they could identify as Bisexual, Pansexual, Queer, or even Heterosexual. Sex between women isn’t limited to Lesbians.

“Lesbian sex” is neither limited to cisgender couples. Remember, sex means different things to different people. Through our education, the media, and our society as a whole, most of us learn that sex is about a penis entering a vagina. While many people only view penis-in-vagina sex as “real” sex, the definition of sex is happily extremely fluid.

So, whatever counts as “Lesbian sex” is really up to whoever is doing it. You’re welcome to define sex as broadly or as narrowly as you’d like, be my guest!

I’ve written about masturbation previously; masturbating can help you relax and figure out what really feels good to you. You may find that touching yourself in certain places and with certain motions feels pleasurable. This can help you tell your partner what you enjoy. Masturbating helps you navigate each other’s anatomy better. It also gives you a good idea of what they might enjoy.

That said, remember that everyone is different. What might be pleasurable for one person might not be pleasurable for the next.

At any time in your relationship, especially if it’s early on, asking for consent is obligatory. Even if your partner has already said that they want to have sex, it’s important to check in before the time comes. Remember that they have the right to withdraw consent during sex, as do you.

If you’re nervous, talk to your partner about it. Share that you haven’t had sex before, or that you haven’t done certain sexual activities. Ask them what they enjoy doing or what they’d like to try, or share ideas of your own.

You should never make assumptions about what your partner does or doesn’t want. Always check in with them and ask what they’d like before taking it to the next level, especially if this is early in your relationship.

Personally, I have very sensitive nipples and adore having them played with however, not everyone is the same so, if this is something you want to explore, be gentle and ask your partner how much pressure they’d like you to apply. Nipple play could simply be light squeezing or sucking through to the use of toys like nipple clamps, again try to be open about your likes and dislikes and remember, it’s okay to enjoy one thing one day and something different the next.

For many women, straight or gay, a very enjoyable part of making love is having the genitals or anus stimulated by their partners hands and fingers. Experiment with different motions, different kinds of pressure, and different speeds. Again, don’t assume that just because you know what you want, it will be the same for your partner, talk to each other.

Depending on their anatomy and personal preferences, you could try things such as rubbing their clitoris by trying circular and up-down motions at various speeds and pressures, using a finger to find their G-spot, lightly touching the area around their clitoris or vagina in a teasing motion, touching the skin just outside of their anus, penetrating their anus with your fingers.

I suppose a gear change for some or where some couples like to start is oral genital or anal stimulation, using your mouth to stimulate your partners erogenous zones is for many, the pinnacle of any act of making love. Again, having talked about it with your partner, try things like sucking the clitoris or the area around the clitoris or vagina, kissing the inner thighs and labia or using your tongue to stimulate the anus.

Remember, these activities aren’t mutually exclusive, many women find oral sex combined with manual stimulation of the vagina or anus a huge turn on.

There is a misconception that lesbian sex is boring in comparison to heterosexual sex, to use the vernacular, Bollocks! Just like different ways to stimulate the genitals works for different individuals, so do the positions you get into. There’s much more than simply lying on your back with your partners head between your thighs – although that is very nice!

Many women enjoy mutual masturbation whilst lying side by side, if this is early in your relationship, it’s a great way of understanding your partners levels of stimulation whilst keeping your bodies close. Alternatively, but along the same vein, lying or sitting opposite watching one another masturbate, again it will give you visual signals as to what your partner likes.

For me, kissing is a very underestimated part of sex, combining passionate kissing with genital stimulation with either the hand or my grinding against a thigh is a highly sensual act.

With your partner on all fours, penetrating their vagina with your index and middle finger whilst penetrating their anus with your thumb is something many women find very pleasurable.

I could go on however, there was a really good article in Cosmo earlier this year, you can find it here.

Don’t under estimate the value of toys, it’s not for everyone, again we’re back to that communication piece, but for some the inclusion of toys in the act of making love can be a beautiful and fulfilling thing. It’s not just about the ubiquitous “strap-on”, there are lots of toys out there designed to take your love making to another level. One of the reasons I’ve written this is there’s was fabulous article, again in Cosmo, in July of this year that addresses this subject, you can find it here. I bought the “Fireman” 😊

What's on this week?