Navigating Grief: Healing After the Loss of a Parent in Adulthood

Lisa Figueroa
7 days ago
6 min read

The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

For those of you that read my blog regularly, firstly, my apologies for my absence. As you may guess from the title of today's blog, I lost two very important people in my life in the space of a week. Firstly, I lost one of the greatest, most wonderful, most amazing friends I've ever had, a friend who was more like my older sister. We'd know each other for over twenty years and we shared life together, firstly sharing a home together and then sharing her life as she moved out, got married and started a wonderful family. I lost her to breast cancer, something I will write about in the future. She left a huge hole in my heart but then, exactly one week later, my dad passed away after suffering a major cardiac event.

When I was little, we were never really close, he worked long hours, initially in a construction company in Tralee in County Kerry, Southern Ireland and then even longer hours when we moved to Manchester in the UK. It was only after the loss of my beautiful mum, almost twenty years ago now, that we began to develop a strong daughter/dad bond. I'm not going to deliver another eulogy, I did that at the service when we said goodbye, one of the hardest things I've ever done and without any sense of shaming delivered it through tears and sobs. Suffice to say, he was a wonderful, caring man, always there for you when you needed him no matter who you were, a man with a fantastic sense of humour who had the ability to make friends in an instant and he loved all of them! Over the years, he collected friends the way some people collect fine ceramics or antique art: carefully, joyfully, and with great appreciation for their uniqueness. Each one was cherished, not for their rarity, but for the richness they brought to his life.

I'm going to miss him terribly, especially on a Sunday when, without fail, no matter where he was in the world he'd phone me to check, his fragile, naive, supressed, (Yeah right!!), daughter was okay in the big bad city that is London! Sometimes it would be a quick five-minute call, more likely it would be a good half hour talking about our antics and, in true Irish style, talking about who'd just died, where they were buried and how beautiful the service was – my Irish friends will get this!

So, todays blog is dedicated to both my sister and my dad, in some respects, a bit of a self-indulgence where I have the ability to express my feelings but more importantly, I hope it touches at least one person and helps them through the tough times following the death of a loved one.

Losing a parent is undeniably one of life's hardest moments, and it hits differently at every age. For adults, this loss can stir up a whirlwind of emotions and responsibilities. Although grief can feel all-consuming, understanding that healing is within reach can be comforting. This blog post provides practical strategies for navigating the complex emotions that arise when losing a parent as an adult.

Understanding Your Grief

Grief is a uniquely personal journey, and it can surface in many forms. As an adult, you may experience feelings of sadness, anger, confusion, or even relief. It's important to recognise that all these emotions are valid and play a role in your healing journey.

Grief doesn't follow a straight path; it's often filled with ups and downs. On some days, you may feel relatively okay, while on others, the weight of your loss feels heavier. Acknowledging these fluctuating feelings is crucial. Allow yourself the freedom to experience every emotion without self-judgment.

Allow Yourself to Feel

Giving yourself permission to fully experience your emotions is a vital step in healing. Suppressing how you feel can lead to deeper emotional scars. Whether you need to cry, feel angry, or just sit in silence, grant yourself that grace.

A helpful outlet is journaling. Start by writing about your relationship with your parent. List specific memories or lessons they taught you. Research shows that expressive writing can significantly reduce emotional distress, often improving mental health by as much as 40%.

Seek Support

You are not alone in this journey. Sharing your feelings with friends, family, or support groups can provide comfort and understanding. A 2019 study found that people who share their grief with others can heal 25% faster than those who keep their feelings bottled up.

If you find yourself struggling to cope, think about reaching out to a professional. A therapist or counsellor can offer useful strategies to help manage your grief in a constructive way.

Create a Tribute

Honouring your parent's memory can help in your healing process. Create a tribute that reflects their life and your relationship. You could make a scrapbook filled with pictures and notes, or even dedicate a space in your home featuring their favourite items.

Involving yourself in activities your parent loved can be comforting. For instance, if they enjoyed gardening, consider planting flowers in their honour. This not only keeps their memory alive but also brings a sense of joy during tough moments.

Establish New Routines

The death of a parent can disrupt the rhythm of everyday life. Establishing new routines can restore a sense of stability. This could mean reserving time for self-care activities, engaging in hobbies, or connecting with those close to you.

Incorporating joyful activities, like cooking a favourite meal or going for a walk, can lift your spirits. Prioritising self-care can be transformative, offering moments of relief amid the grief.

Embrace the Memories

While loss can be painful, remembering the good times is important. Reflect on the lessons your parent taught you, the laughter you shared, and the love that persists even after they are gone.

Consider assembling a memory box filled with items that remind you of them, photos, letters, or even their favourite book. This box can be a touching reminder of your bond and provide comfort during your grieving process.

Be Patient with Yourself

Grief is not something you can hurry. It's a slow-moving process that differs for each person. Be kind to yourself as you navigate this emotional landscape.

Honour the fact that you will have both good days and bad days. Healing is not linear, and every emotion you experience carries significance.

Find Meaning in Your Loss

As you move through your grief, seeking meaning in your loss can help. Reflect on how your parent shaped your life and consider ways to honor their legacy.

Engaging in volunteer work or supporting causes that were dear to them can offer a sense of purpose. For instance, if your parent had a passion for education, consider volunteering at a local school or literacy program. This can create a lasting connection to their memory.

Moving Forward with Hope

Facing the loss of a parent as an adult is an arduous journey, filled with a multitude of emotions. Allowing yourself to grieve, seeking support, and finding ways to honour your parent can help navigate this challenging time.

Healing is a gradual process, and asking for help is perfectly fine. By embracing your feelings and establishing new routines, you can find a path toward peace. Carry forward the love and memories you shared with your parent; they can guide you as you heal.

If you're going through the grieving process at the moment, you have my deepest sympathies, I'm sorry for your loss. I hope this brings some comfort to at least one person however, in a way, it already has, it's helped me! The research I've done for this post has helped me to identify my feelings, consider some coping strategies and feel confident enough to reach out for some support, something I intend to do tomorrow! In the meantime...